Sunday, August 29, 2010

Assburgers and the Tale of the Boring Tanks

This particular rant is a personal matter, as I have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome at the age of 2 or 3.

Now, more than ever, there's a lot of talk about Aspergers Syndrome. What is it? Supposedly it's a form of autism, although not as intensely afflicting. Autism has an interesting effect; it's almost like being a part of the "X-Men." For example, those with Aspergers tend to excel in a specific type of interest. Mostly it's been associated with mathematics or science, but mine happens to be writing and acting, and I seem to be pretty damn good at both (so I'm told). Aspergers has that going for it, and then there's "Idiot Savant," which is a kind of autism where a person's memory is rote and completely accurate, but this takes the place of social networking skills and other factors. Gotta take the bad with the good, I guess.

Sounds kind of cool, right? Well, it sounds like a good book idea, but the problem is that there are already so many god damn books about the disorders that it's all the same story in the words of other aspies (Yeah, that's what they're called for short. Aspie. Doesn't that make you sick?). Everything that's in these books is supposed to have some clever little detail in it that separates itself from other books. In "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" written by Mark Haddon, all the chapters ascend by prime numbers. How confusing is it that when you're reading this book, you skip from chapter one to chapter three? Given it's a new concept, what's wrong with keeping things straight-forward and understandable? Why does every page sound like he's an ignorant dope without a conscience, and why do people give a shit?

Here's something that always sons my bitch: why do there have to be so many "support groups" for these people? They're not incapable of learning social skills, it's just that they just choose not to acknowledge responsibility for the most part. On top of it all, when I was in school, I was forced to be a part of their mess. I wasted a whole summer by being commanded to find the stupid electricity museum alone, unattended. Then they took us to all sorts of places without telling me where specifically they were off to, so I never had enough money with me to join them in their stupid endeavors. I'd end up sitting outside buildings most of the time after being kicked out of them due to "loitering" laws. As a kid, this was all incredibly frustrating and shit-diculous.

My main point is: why force people to attend something they don't want to attend? Just because we were born with a questionable affliction that's been debated for years now, it doesn't mean that we automatically connect. You don't throw a freshwater fish into saltwater, thinking it's the same environment. If you do, you're a sick dick. If someone objects to being a part of something they feel they don't belong in, then adhere to their individuality. Isn't that the whole reason it's a group? To belong? By separating themselves from these groups, do they all of the sudden become outcasts to society, or are they self-advocates that have confidence in their ability to adapt? I'm not saying I abhor to these groups, as some of them are actually really helpful for people, but quit jamming agendas and unrelated documents down the individual's throats.

As for books, write something that doesn't have to go "in-depth" to all your little aspie theories that don't make sense. Readers of these books are interested in them because they feel like they're learning something about the disorder, but they're not. What they're reading is a list of things that the author focuses on or likes to talk about. It rarely has anything to do with plot or autobiographical facts. If you've ever talked to someone with intense Aspergers syndrome, you've no doubt heard a 10-minute long conversation about something mundane and unrelated to current happenings. I spent 25 minutes, I timed it, 25 wasted minutes listening to someone babble on and on about tanks and guns in previous world wars. Honestly, where did I give off the impression that I was supposed to care at all? I didn't go to school wearing an army helmet or driving a tank into the parking lot, although that would have been great. What a shitty story that would make, and what a boring disorder it is in full context.

Where are my pills?

Photo courtesy of


  1. I understand what you're talking about. It comes across a little jumbled, though. But I hope you find solace and belonging in your lack of belonging :)

  2. Next time I see you on facebook while I'm in the philosophy circle, I'll send you a link to it; I think you'd like it.

    Also, what does this have to do with the Internet?

  3. I had to change the title because I realized it had nothing to do with the internet. I also made a few grammatical and spelling errors, but it was 12 in the morning.