Rant about Rooney

I don't watch very much television these days. I don't know, I guess it has something to do with how the news has made everything seem so horrible, and all the programs from my youth have come and gone. However there have been some programs that have lasted for what feels like centuries; The Simpson's, Law & Order, COPS, and so on. One show has exceeded those in length, starting in 1978 and continuing to the current date of this post: "60 Minutes" and Andy Rooney's segment. Andy Rooney, for those of you who don't watch absolute shit, is a senile old man that rants about literally nothing at all. It's like listening to your grandpa sitting in his favorite chair on the front porch, complaining about everything that happens to exist. Personally, it makes me sick.

Andy Rooney was born in 1919, giving you an idea of how ancient he is. His career started in 1949 with CBS, and it's been a complete spiral down, down, down ever since. He's literally ranted about watches several times, each of which has consisted of him saying that "people own too many watches," giving a ridiculous number. He's also ranted about having shoes that don't fit him, and he still holds onto them. I can't say I'm half-surprised; the old guy has so much shit in his office (studio office, I'm guessing) that if it was all shipped to Ethiopia, everyone would have some of his crap in their possession. He's a pack-rat to the fucking extreme.





If that wasn't enough, wait until you hear how much he gets paid to do this segment: $8,000/week. You can work your ass off for two weeks, slaving over a paycheck of $200 at a warehouse job, and this guy makes $7,800 more than you, without lifting a finger. Tell me how this is fair. Tell me why he continues to have problems and complaints. He won't stop, and do you know why? Because his kind are worthless; he's the kind of person who can take any positive in life, anything at all, and find negativity in it. He's an old, inconsiderate bigot that's had a history of saying some raunchy things about Native Americans and the suicide of Kurt Cobain, two topics of which he knows absolutely nothing about.

It pisses me off.

I'm not going to sit back while assholes like him get what they don't deserve. He gets $32,000 a month, a number I couldn't possibly match with all the money I've ever earned in my life. That would pay for a new apartment, paying my hospital bill, buying the essentials like groceries and toiletries, and a new computer, and I'd still have enough left over to go see about 2,000 movies in theaters made out of platinum. This guy most likely spends it on more watches or shoes that don't fit. I know it's just money. I don't consider myself to be a greedy person with money, as long as I know where it's going. With Rooney, I'm sure his hand towels are made of lion hides and his coats made out of dodo bird feathers. Yes, he pays science to bring the dodo back, then he orders it murdered and made into a coat. Bullfuck.

I could take Rooney's place. I could make $8,000 a week, and I wouldn't be stingy with it either. So, if I follow through with my plans of going into television or performing the arts in other ways, I'll aim my interests towards CBS and "60 Minutes." I'll take his jorb, make him retire, and hopefully get rid of all his useless trinkets. Rooney's an old stain on the mattress, and it's time he gets another job.

Photo courtesy of "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"