Saturday, September 4, 2010

Mac vs PC: A Fight No One Gives A Shit About

This is what the typical computer master-debater looks like.

How many times, people? How many times must I log onto some program, where I'm forced to be surrounded by ignorance and failure, to be mocked for the choice of computer I use?

The endless bickering between computer users of Microsoft and Macintosh has gone on ever since both were introduced to the public. Constantly there are comparisons being made with one another, and each argument fails to convince the other of switching their brands. This battle has gone on literally my entire life, though I had not known it at the time. 4 years before I was born, the first Macintosh was released. The first PC was released a year later. 26 years have passed by, and neither side has gone forward far enough to convince me that one is better than the other.

Instead of focusing on the positives first, I'd like to focus on the many, many negatives between the two models. I'm not going into too much detail, because I don't enjoy nitpicking. Let's start off with Microsoft, as that seems to be the computer most people like to brag about:

The Microsoft computer was initially the same project as Macintosh back in the glorious days when internet was restricted to military use only. Bill Gates, owner of Microsoft, and Steve Jobs, owner of Macintosh, actually worked on the project together, impressing IBM with their progress. I'm not sure about the details with the split between Jobs and Gates, but if I had to guess, it was a quarrel about who shot first: Han Solo or Greedo. Gates developed computers differently from Jobs, in the sense that Microsoft is relatively customizable. What that means, in essence, is that users are able to use this technology to a sinister advantage, creating viruses and worms to destroy other computers. So there's one problem with owning a PC: if you happen to go to the wrong website, whether you know it or not, harmful shit will start to fry your hardware, causing you to either buy software to locate and delete said harmful shit or teach yourself how to manually remove it. There are other ways too, but that's not the point. Another problem is that there are hundreds of files that make things complicated to search for. There's a search option, but rarely I'm ever able to find the ONE file I'm looking for due to all the similar-sounding shit that barrages the tiny window.

Mac's turn. Macintosh has become increasingly popular in the past decade, due to the iPod bringing light to MP3s and convenient size. It also brought innovation through unique design and interpretation. Artistically, Macs are impressive. Functionally, they're cockballoons full of fart gas and the helium from airhead customers. Macs are not known for an extensive library of games, nor are they known for convenience in tech support, considering you have to BRING YOUR CRAP TO THE STORE EVERY TIME THERE'S A PROBLEM. They have a "Genius Bar" where total dweebs tell you what's wrong with your shit, as if you didn't already know. The waiting lines are atrocious, and usually they give a misdiagnosis, like doctors do. Also like doctors, Macs are overpriced for tiny little advancements in technology. It's complete dickery.

Here's what sons my bitch: It's time to talk about what the arguments are about both computers, according to the users. Let's start with what PC says about Mac.

PC users argue that "Mac has no games." Who cares? They're games. Do you realize how much of a nerdy concept it is to even consider arguing about that? Games don't define a computer's functionality, because if it did, it would be a gaming console and not necessarily a computer. Another argument entails that "Mac isn't customizable." To what degree? What defines "customization?" There aren't many products for Mac users to install inside their computers, because Mac likes to be all "super secret kool kid'z klub" about their shit, but what needs to be put into a Mac that it doesn't have already? Graphics cards? Again, that would only be important, truthfully, if it were a computer solely meant for gaming. The last argument I'll put here: "Macs don't have a right click mouse." Shoot yourself. Get a mouse that has it, and it won't be a problem.

Mac about PC: "Microsoft computers crash easily." Computers tend to do that due to age or poor materials used. It's not a big inconvenience to get up and go get a part that's been damaged in the computer, and it's easy to install by yourself, granted you know what you're doing. "PCs get viruses." So do Macs, albeit not as many due to Macs having different coding than PC. Those viruses made for Macs tend to be pretty bad, too. They'd have to be, if you spent a lot of time developing something on a computer different than the others. "There's more stuff in a Mac to start with than a PC." Like what, "Widgits?" Those stupid little gadgets on your computer that do nothing but clutter your hard drive full of more shit you don't need? GarageBand, the dmub music-making program that's overused in commercials and movies as filler music? What does it come with that you absolutely require? If you can explain it to me, please do, otherwise I'm sure it doesn't affect the way you live in the slightest. "Macs have less blinking lights." That's a real argument, and it's fucking stupid. If you can't handle lights that indicate what's working and what isn't working, you're shit out of luck.

What computer do I prefer? Neither, and both. If a computer prints documents, reads emails, and finds porn, it's good enough for me. What I don't need are endless suggestions about what I should get to make it run faster or more efficiently. What I don't need are add-ons that give me better optimization. I don't want to spend a lot of money on shit that expires or is a mandatory replacement within the course of a year. Most of all, I don't need to be told what kind of a person I am for choosing what kind of computer I use. I happen to own a Mac, and I don't tend to think I'm an "elitist, snobby, money-wasting fag." I can also work with Windows, and I don't tend to think I'm an "elitist, snobby, money-wasting fag." That's the middle ground between users. That's the way they view each other. Not everyone, mind you, but the ones who have all the time in the world to study every component of their crappy crap, their shitty shit, their assy asses... I'm running out of things to call both these shitbags.

My advice: Choose what works for you. What's easiest for you to figure out, what components you want, and fits your kind of personality.Don't be fooled by what other people tell you if they start talking about what's better than what, because ultimately, you'll hear about the negatives of the other option. When you find something you like, you don't need to brag, you don't need to show off. You'll be happy, and you won't have people ready to stab your back. You will if you play Team Fortress 2, but literally you won't need to worry.

Gates and Jobs should hang.

1 comment:

  1. The best way to go about things if you had the money would be to buy both. Not only would you not take crap from someone that favors one or the other, but you'd have an authority in an argument over what does what better.

    Oddly enough, the thing I like the least about both companies isn't really about their operating systems. I hate how Microsoft gets away with charging for X-Box Live gold (when Nintendo and Sony don't), and I hate how Apple gets away with monopolizing certain songs (iTunes exclusives).